relfection

Due to boredom, i decided to read back my little half-done dairy in 2007..i think.. little did i know, it was that day i had to pray for repentance for my past actions..

To re-read my diary, it feels like it was in another life time..a person so foreign to me..or rather a concentrated dark black shadow of myself..things i felt in the pass, things i did..brought back dark memories to me..things i will want to forget..

After u was done reading, damn..i cant believe i have survived through those things..those days where everything seemed so so gloomy.. i could feel the rage and depression i was in.. never in one day of those months was there a happy joyful entry..and yet, i survived till today..well and happy..one pat on the back for me..:)

When reading, i saw glimpses of people who actually cared for me, who my real friends were, and who were "passing-friends".. so sad to know i trusted the wrong people and hurt all the nice people in my way.. worst part of the diary was.. "where are you god? don you care about me?" it pierced me so painfully i went straight into prayer.. He was gracious to me all the time.. i was just blinded by all the rage in myself..

Imagine that..i wasted one whole year destroying myself.. but..i think i have caught up a little bit..much more to work on though..lessons learnt, mistakes done, experiences obtained.. time to move on.. as people say, yesterday was history, tomorrow a mystery..today, a gift..:)